Assumpted Please Father?

Why do people assume things?

I recall when first attending the catholic school being told that the 'Assumption of the blessed Mary' would be coming up. Having never learned about Mary as a child, I thought they meant that Mary had assumed things and hence the name.

Trying to work this 'assumption' out was a heavy burden on a child. "Mary was an assumptor??" O.K. she must have assumed things because she could not have assumpted as there was no such word.

How could Mary have "assumed"? What did she "assume"? If she hadn't assumed what did she assumpt?

I could not find the word "assumpt" in Mum's Dictionary and was at a loss.

It fair gave me a headache trying to work this dilema out.

Then I learned from one of the girls at school she was "assumpted" into Heaven. This was mind boggling for a kid.

How the heck??????!! What were they talking about?!!

I let my mind drift into a state of semi awareness whenever it was mentioned. That means I switched it off.

"."

I had to assume in order to find out what "assumpt" mean't.

The Nuns were always too busy to bother with this "pagan from the hills of Victoria" so very timidly I knocked on the door of the place where the priests lived and was invited inside.

I'll swear I was in a funny monastry? No,no .... there was a difference. It was sort of like a "housey monastry". No, even that doesn't make sense.
Well, you could sort of tell there was no wife there and never had been.

I stared around at the beige walls, here and there dotted with a picture of Mary, or one of the saints, and of course the inevitable crucifix and was wondering why, everywhere I looked there was a crucifix in catholic churches and houses - except Mum and Dad's when a priest frightened hell out of me by tapping me on the shoulder.

"Can I help you?" he was smiling, I was shaking.

"Y-y-y-y-yes ..... I-I-I .... th-th-think ...... s-s-s-s-so."

"Come in here." he beckoned.

He led me to a well furnished room. The first thing I noted was the wine on a sideboard as it was the first thing he headed for.

He bade me to be seated in a huge winged back chair. Somehow, I felt like a wee little thing in it. He sat himself opposite,made himself comfortable, had a sip of wine, crossed his legs and just seemed to keep smiling at me while I stared wide eyed at the wine.

Frankly, I was shocked! Wine nor beer had never been in our home and somehow it seemed odd that this man who 'trod on holy ground' on the altar and said Mass was drinking the stuff!

He had another sip. I watched in horror. A man was drinking booze in front of me!
Wait'll I tell Mum!!

"Your question Dear?" the words were directed at me. I was a little put out being called "Dear" by a drunk!!

Wait'll I tell Dad!!

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I stared at him, then the wine. He started to give a chuckle. "Oh I see! Your parents do not have a glass of sherry! Very well then, I will finish this and no more."

"Thankyou." The word was a bit squeaky but he understood it.

He gulped the lot down. I stared at him. He wasn't at Mass!! What was wrong with this man of God? Poor drunks .... they did become addicted and really couldn't help themselves.

"Now, you wanted to ask me something?" he seemed quite at ease. I wasn't so sure. After all, the man was a drunk ..... still, I would ask and get it over with.

"What does assumpted mean"

"Assumpted?" he looked at me quite puzzled.

"Yes, Mary was assumpted into heaven, what does that mean please?"

" Oh! You mean the Assumption of the Blessed Mary Ever Virgin!"

" No, I mean assumpted."

He looked at me quite baffled. It was obvious the wine had gone to his head poor soul.

"er .. there is no assumpted. Mary went to heaven and we call it the "Assumption Of The Blessed Mary Ever Virgin."

I stared at him, he stared at me. I blinked, he blinked. He uncrossed his legs and shifted in his seat, I sat still, it's the way I had been brought up. I spoke

"That doesn't make sense."

"What doesn't make sense my child?"

Suddenly he was a priest. A drunk one at that.

"For an Assumption to take place there must be the words assumpt and assumpted , for example; you will assumpt here, you will be assumpted there, the assumption has taken place."

He stared at me, then started to laugh. "You know, that sounds quite funny!"

It was then I was positive he was drunk.

I wasn't laughing.

"No my child,please place such silly thoughts out of your young head. The Assumption Of The Blessed Mary Ever Virgin always has and always will be according to the church."

"But when did she assumpt and what did she assumpt about?"

"Assumption means AROSE. Mary did not assumpt!" he then burst into hysterics of laughter. I glanced around the room, picked up my school hat and was about to grab my briefcase and make a run for it when he stopped laughing.

He looked at my wide eyed expression of fear not knowing I was terrified of being in a room with a drunk. Mum and Dad had instilled it into me!

"It-it's quite alright!" he said between fits of laughter.

I kept staring at him - he was as looney as they come and a drunk off the altar!

Soon he composed himself and went into the most boring, lengthy details of "The Assumption."

When he finished, I said " No, something is wrong. If there are no accompanying words Mary could not have been assumpted, er - assumptioned - er .... whatever it was."

He went to the wine again and I knew that after a second glass this man would be staggering all over the place! I had to get out of there!

"Thankyou Father! God bless you!"

He grabbed me as I was opening the huge wooden door.

"Not so fast young lady. You must understand this!"

" I think I do." came the swift reply, " Mary was assumpted into heaven and it's called the "assumption" because the church assumes she was assumpted"

He smiled down at me kindly and said " You may go now, God bless you my child."

"God bless you too Father and I'll pray for you for being a drunk."

I left him standing there looking as though he was in shock.

To this day I'm wondering if those fast words were not the truth because I never did find out.